When Pearl was a few years younger, she got one of those wild and crazy ideas and designed her own storm trooper costume. Nowadays, we have to either bring out her old costume which doesn’t fit her any longer or pictures of her in her costume so that she can remember “the good old days.”
She was quite endearing back then—even though she was dressed as a “bad guy.” Of course, since she only had plastic parts, she relied on me to help with the construction of her costume.
Backyard Chicken Tip: Never trust chickens to handle glue—no matter how much they may beg you to use your glue! This is particularly true of plastic model glue.
So remember, there just may be a large number of chicken stormtroopers orbiting our planet in their own Death Star, and they may be ready to take over the world!
Backyard Chicken Tip: Chickens do get these ideas when they are very young! So monitor their television viewing carefully!
Sherlock had his Moriarty. Father Brown had his Flambeau. I have my Nameless Menace.
We are as opposite as night and day. And yet, I know that if I let down my guard, if even for a moment, I will have given away much more space in my life than I can spare.
He is a like a whirling disc, a metal coin rotating slowly above my head, one that follows me everywhere and knows my every move.
Yet this is my only solace—if it were not for such a monumental menace pursuing me, then I would never have any idea of how great a detective I truly am.
He is not a chicken, and yet around him are symbols seemingly made like chicken scratching that contain mysterious marks that hold special meaning known only to him, Mr. Nameless.
I imagine a tear appearing in one of his eyes. It will slowly roll down his cheek and land on me. It burns, this tear from eyes that now are unknowing of joy or connection to another heart.
Perhaps this is the face of the one who takes care of us chickens here in the Backyard Garden, our own Nate, only all grown up. That would make this a recurring vision of the future. But could our Nate, the one who brought us up and fed us every day, honestly be the Nameless Menace?
I have heard before from tunes sung by our visiting songbirds that our greatest friend can turn into our greatest enemy. Knowing that, I feel quite truly helpless.
No, it is not Nate who has somehow changed. It is an enchantment placed upon him that has turned him into someone who he is not. The enchantment was placed by someone he trusted and who lied to him. That same person stole from him what he would have generously given until there was nothing more to give, not even to those he considers family, his chickens.
One of the Most Embarrassing Experiences of My Life
It was one of the most embarrassing experiences of my young, tender and vulnerable life.
You surely must be rolling on the floor with laughter right now. Who would criticize you for laughing at something as ridiculous? Yes that is me in a costume to look like a Dance Hall Diva.
That corset had me trussed up tighter than a Thanksgiving Day turkey! Hopefully those feathers that I had to pluck out didn’t reveal more than should have been revealed, but the salivating fox who was following me and the mob of ravenous nibbles were eager to see if I tasted as good as I looked!
Note: For us girls, there is nothing more humiliating than being leered at like a hot plate of fried chicken with all the sides!
Whose idea was this costume? Well, the blame for my everlasting shame fully belongs to my old friend, Harry Harrigan, a Private Eye. We had previously collaborated on solving several juicy mysteries. He thought that dressing up as a Dance Hall Diva would lure the culprit out into the open.
One of the most curiously amazing things about Pearl is that she is a master of Ninja Flying Kicks. Partly this is because she is a chicken, but take a careful look at the illustratration above that shows her dressed up in her Japanese Gi.
You may think that this is just a normal costume that she has managed to put together, but that is not the case at all. Although she has taught herself to sew, this Gi uniform came from the Thrift Store and was altered a good deal to make it fit her.
In the illustration for which she repeatedly posed, and you will see that she has two wings, two legs (with extra toes), and twohands with fingers!
The story Behind Pearl’s Two Hands
Pearl’s hands usually remain hidden (disguised) beneath her wings, and so they are easily missed. We have been working on a mystery story titled The Night of the Nuggets about Pearl’s search for her past. What she learn while investigating was the story behind her physical differences which make her not look like the other chickens.
What she learned at the main factory of the Chicken Nugget Syndicate was that she and Blanche came from a chicken hatchery operated by the dangerously evil Syndicate. They were part of an experiment to create larger and tastier chicken nuggets.
The experimental chemicals given to her mother hen left Blanche with a condition whereby she grew quickly after hatching and eventually died much too young. The experiment left Pearl with a pair of powerful arms that she kept hidden beneath her wings.
With the help of her brother, who hatched at the same time with Blanche and Pearl, she received training and coaching in martial arts which he studied in depth or just as if he was a Page of the Living Library.
Instead of growing up and becoming a Page for The Living Library because of his expert knowledge in martial arts, he was placed a trash can at the hatchery because they had no need for boy chicks who would grow up to be roosters. The hatchery only wanted girl chickens who would grow up to be hens who laid eggs that could be sold for money or hatch into more chickens who could be turned into nuggets.
Irony of Ironies
Pearl’s two arms were the result of an experiment conducted by the Chicken Nugget Syndicate. The scientists only wanted to produce more valuable chickens. Those arms turned out to be part of what made her flying Karate kicks so powerful and devastating to anyone who tried to prevent her from doing good for others.
Those arms created by the Chicken Nugget Syndicate’s experimentation eventually freed all of the chickens held in tiny cages with barely any room to stand, and that led to the downfall of the Chicken Nugget Syndicate.
As you may know, Pearl and I have spent a great deal of time together thinking about and discussing our online presence.
Recently one afternoon, as Pearl and I were thinking and discussing what to do to keep our fans informed about what’s going on with us, I noticed that she was poking her head out of a hole in the fencing. After I quickly did a loose sketch to later firm up with ink and color, I showed it to her.
“So do you get the message now?” she asked. “We need to give the fans The Perfect Spot to see all that is going on!”
It was like turning on a lightbulb in the chicken coop, and I got to work right away on The Perfect Spot. It would be one place for everyone to go to discover what was happening with us. And if they used another spot, it would always link back to The Perfect Spot.
It really doesn’t matter if you remember to add “Amazing” or even “Miss” in front of it. I will still love you and want to entertain you!
The one who brings me food sat down recently to discuss some changes. One of those changes was to start this website as a substitute for a weekly newsletter we were producing on SubStack.
Think of it as stretching out over several days what we used to do in sometimes just one day.
Everything we write and illustrate here will go out with a notification to you and our other readers right away while it is just as fresh as an egg that has been laid by me or one of the other hens here!
The other change is that we will be including everything we would normally have here and Substack and Medium in ONE central location. We are going to be using Ko-Fi for that.
Imagine that! Everything in just one spot! No subscriptions, but you can donate to the chickens on Ko-Fi! And I’m sure they would appreciate you tremendously!
Here I am in one of my detective disguises. If you’re thinking that almost anything looks good on someone who has white feathers, you’d be quite right! And not only do I uncover truths about the world of birds, I also uncover truths about the world of people!
Early in my career as a detective, I learned the importance of having a good disguise. It wasn’t adequate to have only a few items—a detective who is worth anything has to go all-out! Discovery of one’s true identity by others can mean catastrophe! As you can see in the illustration above, no detail has been overlooked—including the genuine pearl decorating my bow tie.
My Amazing Miss Pearl 